5 Weeks Post Op

These photos were taken on Saturday morning , so not quite 5 weeks after the procedure. I decided to have a play with the concealer around the edges but something still shrinks from covering the scar itself with that product - it feels too heavy duty - so I just used some Clinique Foundation.  It's still noticeable, for sure, but , unless I deceive myself, it's not all THAT noticeable, at a distance.

I am feeling guilty, again, for not being pleased, for not being grateful, but I'm afraid my thoughts still slip back into the ' I don't like it ', 'It's not fair ' mode. I want to wake up and be me again , when my first thought is not my face and my first  action is not to leap up and look at it in the mirror.

I'm obviously pleased when friends and family comment that it's doing well but am wildly irritated to hear them  say that it's ' barely noticeable '. ' hardly anything', that ' you'd never know ' . Try it on your own face and then see how blasé you feel ! Actually, I think they are losing patience with me. The allotted time for sympathy is clearly up and they've moved on from " Be nice to Mum, a horrid thing has happened ". So, sorry, but my only outlet is here , thus revealing myself as a not very nice, and very self indulgent person.

 

In a fit of positivity - and I am mostly positive, it's just more therapeutic to write when feeling down -   I contacted School to say that I felt ready to return . I do a bit of supply work as a TA in a lovely Primary School and , after meeting one of my colleagues, whose company I miss, I decided I was up to it. Only I'm not sure anymore. I am still very wobbly when meeting friends and acquaintances who haven't seen me since the operation. I want to be upbeat, but my eyes keep forgetting the plan, and start leaking !! Anyway , Thursday it is, and I won't give back word, so I'd better get my story straight and start thinking more Helen Keller less Cowardly Lion !! Actually, when you think of it, there's not a single disadvantaged ( let's call it ) character in fiction who isn't portrayed as feisty and brave is there ? No one would want to read about a miserable one would they ? There's a thought . No wonder it's a strain to keep cheerful, knowing a hardy and sanguine outlook is the very minimum required !

I bet you're thinking ' Jeez ' , get over yourself. I will. I am. Just venting . 

Reporting back on the Dermatix. I've not had a reaction to it but , for massaging, I still prefer Vaseline, which then has to be removed before I put the Dermatix on. I'm doing the facial exercises but, despite reassurances from Dr H, I'm terrified that I'm stretching the scar. Also the scar is stinging more recently which puts me off disturbing it . I dare not disobey orders though, so plough on.

Well, apologies for the misery fest. I'm blaming it on it being Monday.